Home away from Home...

On Thursday, there was the annual Eid and Diwali celebrations at Loretto, my former dorm and since I was really involved in that event and it has been a while since I visited Loretto after moving into my aparment, I decided to go pay a visit to my friends and also enjoy in the festivities of the annual Diwali/Eid Celebrations.

Needleless to say, it was fun. But the entire time, my eyes welled up thinking about all the good times I've had in three years in that place. It was truly my home away from home.

I remember walking through the arch into the building with wide eyes staring at the group of senior girls who were efficiently taking my bags and putting them gently on carts and talking to me about their life there. I gently smile, still feeling nervous about how they would like me, still feeling anxious about spending my first night there, alone, away from my parents. As my don then, Narren, showed me to my room 519, I walked in, a small passage way leading into a narrow room, 2 beds, 2 desks and a window with a gorgeous view of SMC campus and Queens Park and CN tower standing tall. As I sat on my bed, I didn't know what to expect, what was university going to be like, what would my friends be like, and most important, how would my room mate be like?

Walking down the stairs into the cafeteria for the first night of games and fun paved the path for 3 years at Loretto with some of the best memories I could have..

In First year, it was random talks with Izza and Binish which would start after dinner and go till the next days breakfast, until I dozed off midway through the conversation with topics ranging from Religion to Make up to Boys to Politics to Relationships, Dancing to Bollywood songs with Roopali, Annoying Solmaz with random laugther at 4 am, getting ready for all the parties in the tiny bathroom, Midnight birthday surprise parties, Pool with Cora every night, the 11 45 pm gang in the Cafeteria meeting up for Chai, Coffee, Noodles etc, Making fun of Rish's innocence, Annoying Aanchal for textbooks, advice, support everything...

In Second Year, it was again random talks, but with Natasha, raiding Cheryl's nice big and warm room, getting to know Sheniz better, Besharam and Club nights, SAA formals with the gals, dancing Kajra Re at the Diwali and Eid function, preparing for Fusion, Learning from Seniors like Aanchal and Rishika and helping to pass that on to Sonam and Afshah, attempted cooking with Pulao, Long talks with Shen and Roopali about identity and trying to discover myself more...

In Third Year, it was all the crazy movie nights in our room, my glorious Bollywood wall of fame, Diwali Pooja, dancing and Choreographing the Diwali and Eid function with the Bollywood through the ages theme, Gymming with Pooja, Talks with Mansi which would start at 3 am, Watching bollywood movies at Sheppard Yonge, Shopping together at Ardenes, Dinner at Spring Rolls, Pooja raiding our room with her blanket and pillow, dancing at random times with Amreen, watch Zainab be herself in walking bear foot to the cafeteria, spendings hours and hours talking about CBSE and Schooling in India/Dubai....

And not to forget things like Midnight Maggie Madness, Walks to Timmies at the ODDEST hours, Craving for Hagen Daaz Ice Cream at 3 am, Ordering Pizza at 3 30am, sitting on the steps outside and talking about the future ahead, Long talks during meals, Going nuts listening to the hindi songs in the Cafeteria, Gaining pleasure that everyone feels the food crappy, Study Room madness, Movies in the rainbow room, our secret friend DC++, Conversations in the Lobby, with the Porters...

Being a single child, I've always wondered how it would have been to have an older sister who would be my mentor, my inspiration, my support system.. and how it would be have been an older sister, to have a younger sister, to whom I could be the support, the mentor... at Loretto, I got both of that. It was my home away from home, where I got to meet, learn, appreciate and get inspired from some wonderful people.

I don't think I could have become the person I am today, if it weren't for the love showered on me by these people. I don't know if they know how much they mean to me and I hope that I was able to have some impact on their lives too.

Here is a toast to some of the best friends I've had at University....

Walk through the forest...

The light breeze ruffles through the trees, leaves fall and all around me I see a diaspora of colors, yellow, red, pink, purple. Such a magnificent treat for the eye.

Today, taking a break from my routine job of staring at the computer screen, I decided to take a walk behind my work place where exists a miniature - natural forest. My colleagues often tell me that they have sighted deers and rabbits and the rumor goes that a big turtle lives in the lake.

The light breeze sweeps through the lake, causing small ripples to come but still glimmering in the dimming lights of the horizon.

I am a very winter person and I like the feel of the cold air hitting me so as I walked, I was enjoying the smell of the fresh trees and the freshness of the entire surrounding which is so hard to get in downtown.

Being a Friday evening, no one sticks around work after 5 pm, so I had to take the walk myself. Walking through any forest, at other times would scare me, considering the possibility of wilderness creeping by. But since this is a cleared forest and just a smaller version of the big thing, I was rest assured and proceeded on my walk.

The walkway was beautiful and it is a pleasure for the eyes to see so much of greenery and I enjoyed as the light breeze brushed through my hair now.

However,

as I walked further down, I heard noises.. growling noises.. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ..... It couldn't have been the breeze, it was too loud to be a car. I was scared.

I looked around me, but the trees stood still as if waiting for me to answer.

I had no idea where to go, because I had no idea where the sound was coming from. And suddenly, I look up to see a few planes shuttling around my workplace.

I was shocked to say the least!!

To me, it seemed scary that word is such an unsafe place now that leave police on road and coast guards, you have regular people patrolling the skies...

The realization is a very terrible one, mainly because...

If a walk through the natural forest brings with it fear of animals,

A Walk through the technological forests of today bring with it the fear of not being able to take a walk in the light breeze again...

Apologies !

I declare, I am OFFICIALLY the worse blogger !!!

Sorry for not updating my blog often. But I am touched by those whose messaged asking me why I haven't updated my blog showing that some people do read this !!

I promise to update my blog more often starting today !!!

Cheerz..

11 Minutes: Bombay Bomb Blasts of 11-07-2006

07-11-2006, The day still sends chills through my spine and brings tears into my eyes as I remember the horrific bombing incident that rocked the business capital of India - Mumbai. Till today, images of the stunned and blood stained passengers refuses to erase itself from my memory as I ponder upon the impact that bomb had on our lives, an impact so strong that its waves are still being felt.

I think the reason for the shock of the bombing still staying alive is because of where it happened. Like an arrow that pierces the heart, the explosion of the bombs took place in the 7 reserved First Class compartments of Bombay Rail's western line. Within 11 minutes, over 200 people losts their lives, 700 got injured and countless families destroyed.

11 minutes.

Just 11 minutes.

Thats the amount of time it takes me to walk from my apartment to the train station. 11 minutes.

At that ill fated moment, time almost stopped after those 11 minutes, as the city became one to combat one of its biggest and most tragic deaths in a long time. During those troubled times, strangers came to the help of the victims and their families. Police and Mumbai Rail Authority took prompt action in trying to get the city back on its wheels. Security was increased. Doctors, Nurses and Medical workers worked non stop providing medical assisstance to the constant flow of victims. Injured victims were being tended too, to prevent further causalities.

However, it is easier to mend wounds in the body, but how is it possible to mend wounds that affect our heart?

How is it possible to give solace to the 7-month pregnant woman, bearing her first child, who loses her husband, who promised to get her flowers on the way, in just 11 minutes?

How is it possible to give solace to the 17 year old boy who is forced to become a man in just 11 minutes, with the death of his father, the sole source of income to his family?

How is it possible to give solace to parents, who have lost their only daughter, who was about to get married in a month, because she left work a few minutes early to spend time with her family?

The tears still glimmer in the eyes of those who lost their near and dear ones as they think of how those 11 minutes changed their life. The blank look returns as they shudder thinking about that day remembering that it will be a very bad memory for the rest of their life ahead.

Today, 1 year and 1 day later, I ponder upon how the city has coped over the past year. How has it been able to sustain such a tragedy. Mumbai is not new to bomb attacks but this incident definitely brought back scary memories of the late 90s bomb blasts.

In my research of reading books, articles, talking to people who were there during the bombing on other trains, I realise that if possible, the city has grown stronger. Yes, the people at times pause to look behind them for any unidentified bags and there are more security precautions at the railway stations, but nothing has stopped.

Millions still take the train to full and travel to their offices, tuitions, schools, colleges. This is Mumbai's answer to the terrorist groups who were framed responsible for these attacks, you might be able to give us a shake but you can not break our spirit. The sheer unity and dedication of the citizens of Mumbai to keep moving ahead normally is a testimony to the fact that these citizens are strong and willing to show it to the people who doubt their strenghth.

11 minutes of disaster might have ruined lives for countless people in Mumbai, India and all over the world, but those 11 minutes also made this city of dreams a more powerful one, making me remember the lyrics of a song I used to hear as a child,

Aye dil hai mushkil jeena yahan
Zara hat ke zara bach ke, yeh hai Bombay meri jaan
[No doubt it is hard to live here, but others watch it, this is Bombay, my life]

No one deserves a tragedy....

As I sit to write this blog, it is exactly 48 hours since the Virginia Tech University Tragedy . I look outside my residence window, I can see the sun rise. I can also see some students walking back to their dorm rooms after late night outs in the library. Its like any routine day of university for us.

I am sure that is exactly what every student who went to Virginia Tech felt that on the ill fated morning of Monday. What is usually the worst day of the week for most people turned out to be the worst day in US History as the worst case of shoot out ever. With 33 people dying in a matter of a few minutes, it is almost mind numbing to imagine what must be going on the minds of those who lived, to see their loved ones die.

My deepest condolences to the families and friends. I pray to the Lord to give them strength to face this grave moment.

I can't help but think, what wrong did those students do that they were punished like this? No one deserves a tragedy like this, for no fault of theirs.. its just sad...

It is even more saddening to find out the cause of the massacre, a psycho-neurotic freak who was so so so indulged in himself and in the world he built around himself that he never thought of living in the worlds that the others built. I wonder now, maybe if people had made an extra attempt to get to know that guy ? or take his silly messages a bit seriously ?

Is there where the world is heading too? Has it become such a dangerous place that we can't even sleep in our dorm rooms in peace? Are we supposed to suspect every one who doesn't talk to people? It is depressing to know that we as the next generation, have to stay in such a world and ensure that its atrocities don't come and affect our next generation..a tough task in hands. Where is the love today ? What happened to the days when people used to sit and talk and sort out problems ? Has that love disintegrated to cheap lust which gets fulfilled as you watch a porn movie ?! Where is the love ? The lines from the Black Eyed Peas song come to my mind:

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm getting older y'all people get colder
Most of us only care about money makin
Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema
Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, we're spreading anomosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down
It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under
I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found

People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(fade)


Amidst all this grief and sorrow caused by this incident, there is always a hero, and in this case, it has to be Prof. Liviu Librescu, a professor of Engineering and a member for the Faculty for 20 years. This Holocaust survivor who escaped from the Nazi Killings in Communist Romania became a hero as he protected his students from the mad gun man, by blocking the door and asking the students to jump out of the window which was in the 2nd floor. By doing so, he saved all the 54 students of his class, but in the end got shot saving the lives of so many.

That is the spirit of human beings, a spirit which no psychopath , no mad man, no gun man can kill.

To conclude, here is what the award winning Tennessee poet and Virginia Tech professor Nikki Giovanni had to say at the memorial ceremony at the University on Monday:

'We are Virginia Tech. We are sad today and we will be sad for quite awhile. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning. We are Virginia Tech.

'We are strong enough to know when to cry and sad enough to know we must laugh again. We are Virginia Tech.

'We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did not deserve it but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night to avoid being captured by a rogue army. Neither does the baby elephant watching his community be devastated for ivory; neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized.

'No one deserves a tragedy...'

Whats in a name?

My sentiments after watching Mira Nair's adaptation of Jhumpa Lahiri's Pulitzer Winning Novel, The Namesake; Spell Bound... Speechless..Breathless.. Void..........

What can I say? Its been 24 hours since I came back from the theatre and even now as I stare outside my window looking at the mist covered buildings, Tabu's cries echo in my ears making me ponder about how much Namesake has affected me at a deep level.

The Story of an Immigrant Family from Kolkotta in the US and their journey of raising up kids in a perfect blend of Indo - American culture sounds cliched now. But the subtle handling of this topic by Jhumpa Lahiri in her novel and the even more emotional handling of this subject by Mira Nair is what makes this movie an inspiration.

Namesake is one movie which I believe that every one can associate with, and in different degrees it leaves a mark. For newly migrated families, seeing Tabu shiver in the Laundromat during winter would bring back memories of their first winters in US, for families living here for long, the Christmas parties and the get togethers' in the houses will bring back memories of those spring evenings, when all was left to be done was to meet up and sing old Raj Kapoor songs. And for youth like me, the whole Identity issue seems like taken from our life, especially when we all question,What is in a name? in particular, what is in OUR name ?

It was at that degree where the movie touched me the most. I have always had an identity issue, even when I was a 12 year old kid! I never really liked my last name (Mangu). I used to think it would be a point of ridicule for so many people. For the longest of time, I called myself Madhavi Rao in school because it would be easier to say, people couldn't make fun of it and it sounded *cooler*. In fact, I was so particular about not letting people know my last name that I was tempted to get it changed in my passport when it got renewed. I must have fought with my parents a 1000 times at least about why is my name like that ! For almost 7 years, I despised my name until a certain incident happened in my life.

They say that Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards. That is exactly what happened to me. In December 2005, my Grandfather passed away suddenly. When I was in India, in his room, all I could think off was at this sudden juncture of his death, what did he leave me? When I spoke with my dad about this, he said a legacy. At that point, I suddenly felt so attached to my last name. At that junction, I felt connected with him and it gave me a purpose, a mission to find my Identity.

That is what The Namesake is all about. Its about finding ones Identity, its about looking beyond the name and really looking into what the name symbolizes, what the name represents and how the name connects you and the people around you.

You cannot acquire experience by making experiments. You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.

Obviously, a very smart person said that. Watching Namesake is an experience that every one must undergo.

Spicing up the Identity Crisis

All the world is a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and entrances;
Each man in his time plays many parts.

Shakespeare was a smart man and that couplet is one of the most intense couplets of his which I like. Indeed, we all have our exits and entrances and the time we are on stage is the one for us to show what we are capable off and that is what becomes our identity.

But then, what if the stage was shifted to different places, different times, how can we identify with that identity ?

I am by birth an Indian, grown up completely in the Middle East and have been living for the past three years in Canada. If any one were to ask me where my home is, I have to think for a bit before answering. Its because I really don't know where do I belong too.

On a spirtual context if I were to question who am I, I can say I am not this body but the spirit soul as what the holy book Bhagavad Gita says. But how to I say that to people questioning me in a daily context ?

This dilemma is faced by the 1000s of immigrant kids around the world. Most of us are the first in our families to attend universities outside our home lands and as the world becomes a smaller place, this is going to become a normal phenomena.

Being an Indian myself, I have often found it hard to blend my Indianess into my routine culture. Living in Middle East for so long really helped to set the base as the Indian community there though has been there for long, still holds an Indian Passport and is just 3 hours away from 'home'. There, I went to an Indian school, had Indian friends, saw Indian movies mainly and ate Indian food.

Coming to Canada was a big change. Though Canada has a huge South Asian Community, and in particular my university and my program is very popular among desi kids, I still could feel the distinct difference. Like here, listening to Hindi music or watching too many Hindi movies, is at times considered fobbish (FOB => Fresh off Boat) , to wear Indian clothes to class attracts stares and going for desi parties is just another way to attracting weird people to hit on you! And to get a good plate of Pav Bhaaji, the journey is a tasking one !

So then began the change, I started to listen to non desi music a lot more, read more about the culture here and try to merge into the society here.

However, I've always wondered, what is my identity ? Am I losing it as I battle my way through daily routine drudgery of life? Have I shed who I really was for what I am today or is who I am today my real identity?

It was between my identity crisis where I started seeking for ways to blend my usual North American lifestyle with my existing Indian lifestyle without it seeming out of place and yet standing unique. And that is when I looked out for inspiration.

Inspiration often comes in different forms and my inspiration came from an all boy a capella band called Penn Masala whom I saw in concert last weekend at University of Pittsburgh.

Penn Masala is a group of boys currently studying at University of Pennsylvania, US. They've been around the scene for the past 10 years. Every year the graduating seniors train the freshmen who want to join the band and this cycle of training the new members continues till this day on.

Penn Masala are the world's first Hindi a capella group, which means they sing without music, no instruments are used and they produce sounds with their voices. Check out their website to find out more and listen to them.

So, I heard about them first in the movie, American Desi where they sang two tracks and it was very impressive. But it was truly me seeing them in Sa Re Ga Ma Pa and later hearing their track Aankhon Mein Tu Hai got me hooked onto them.

Watching Penn Masala perform was a unique experience in every sense of the term. Musically, it was an absolute high as they crooned out some of the most beautiful Hindi and English songs with equal ease. What impressed me most about their singing was their level of competence in it. Trying to sing songs like Dheere Jalna and Mitwa is not a joke and many have failed in their attempts but these guys were just super. Also considering that their only shruti is coming from the harmony created by other singers, its just mind boggling to think of the focus and concentration the members must have. One person going even a micro second off key can make the song sound miserable. Fortunately not one of them went off key and it was just like river flowing smoothly.

From an academic Engineering perspective, I was intrigued to see the variety of voice variations one person could do. It was very evident in the beat boxing jamming they did. Beat boxing is kinda like producing sounds made by drums or other bass instruments using your voices. Its fascinating to observe the beautiful engineering design of our Vocal chords which let us do such funky stuff with our voices. Be it the sound of rain drops or the hard core bhangra beats, its pretty crazy stuff !!

But from the inspiration point of view, I took back a lot that night. The Penn Masala members are the best example I can think of people who probably have really found their identity. Fusing east with the west was done so effortlessly through out the show. From the sweaters to the kurtas to the jeans, Penn Masala boys showed that they are there to impress every one alike, desis, non - desis, young university students with catchy tunes and the older crowd with the golden hits. I don't think any one left the David Lawrence Hall on Saturday night disappointed! It showed in their style, it showed in their singing style and it showed in the total entertainment they provided - they are here to make a statement, that if we have a vision, a dream, we can find out our identity.

Juggling some serious professional academic programs like Engineering and Finance along with doing concerts all around the US almost every weekend, the Penn Masala boys have it busy. But they should be proud of themselves because they are are pursuing their hobby and also in that process entertaining 100s and 1000s of fans not just in US but all around the world.

At the end of the concert, I began to wonder, why do people have an identity issue? The Penn Masala boys make it seem so easy to be able to identify yourself. It doesn't matter where you are from, who you are, at the end of the day, it really comes down to what you do. And whatever you do, you do so that you make people around you proud.

PM is predominantly based in the US, but their popularity is evident even in Middle East and India showing that these people really pushed their boundaries and took South Asian Music to various frontiers. To me that is effortlessly fusing the East with the West and your identity lies in you and in your ability to creatively do that.

To conclude, with a line from Penn Masala's own song, Pehchaan which literally means Identity: Kya Pata ki Kaun Hoon Main, Shayad mujhme Aag Kaahi, Jagao Usse, meaning 'I wonder who I am but I think there is a fire in me. I must ignite that fire'...

Wonderful message for us all,
to ignite the fire of who we really are...
to ignite the fire to find our identity
to ignite our fire to play our part on the stage to the fullest...

[i] Paavda's [/i] in Queen's Park ..

Its odd, very odd that whenever I decide to blog, its because I see something that stirs up these uncontrollable emotions in me and most often, they are just pangs of separation from home, which simply put, can be termed as homesickness.

Today, as I was walking back from class, at the Hart House Circle, I saw this Indian family. Thats usually not a new sight considering the number of Indians and members from the South Asian Committee study in Toronto. As I walked past them, I saw a young girl of about 8 wearing a Paavda (An Indian skirt worn in Southern India with elegant colours and elaborate work in the borders).. something very similar to what I used to wear for special occasions when I was that age ! Seeing that young girl wear something which to me was my link with the past, a connection had be formed instantly so I slowed down my pace hoping to go and talk to them as they seemed lost and needed a bit help with directions. As I approached them, I think it was her father who called her out in my mother tongue, Telugu, and to me that was just icing on the cake!

The funniest part is, I've never really lived in India, and never had any fascination or attraction for my mother tongue. Infact, I've tried to make sincere attempts to try to unlearn my mother tongue on the pretext of being 'cool'... I remember that when I was in school, me and my telugu friends would never speak in Telugu to each other !! It was not just with us, it was with people of most regions, who were scared of their identity, who basically wanted to fit in.

Today things have changed. Maybe its maturity, maybe its just growth or maybe its just being away from your country for so long that I dont wan't to be one of the many. I want to be unique. I don't want to just fit in like any piece of the puzzle, I wan't to be that piece of puzzle that makes the difference between finishing off the puzzle...

Its odd how things change.. I used to mock my mother when she had come to Toronto because whenever she used to see a Telugu person, her face would light up like a bulb. Today, thats exactly how I feel. I yearn for a familiar voice, I yearn for something I can relate too...

I yearn for bajjis in the rain...
I yearn for sounds of music I'd know...

I yearn for.....

.....home....