And the thoughts flow on...

Home away from Home...

2007-11-24T16:38:00.000-08:00

On Thursday, there was the annual Eid and Diwali celebrations at Loretto, my former dorm and since I was really involved in that event and it has been a while since I visited Loretto after moving into my aparment, I decided to go pay a visit to my friends and also enjoy in the festivities of the annual Diwali/Eid Celebrations.

Needleless to say, it was fun. But the entire time, my eyes welled up thinking about all the good times I've had in three years in that place. It was truly my home away from home.

I remember walking through the arch into the building with wide eyes staring at the group of senior girls who were efficiently taking my bags and putting them gently on carts and talking to me about their life there. I gently smile, still feeling nervous about how they would like me, still feeling anxious about spending my first night there, alone, away from my parents. As my don then, Narren, showed me to my room 519, I walked in, a small passage way leading into a narrow room, 2 beds, 2 desks and a window with a gorgeous view of SMC campus and Queens Park and CN tower standing tall. As I sat on my bed, I didn't know what to expect, what was university going to be like, what would my friends be like, and most important, how would my room mate be like?

Walking down the stairs into the cafeteria for the first night of games and fun paved the path for 3 years at Loretto with some of the best memories I could have..

In First year, it was random talks with Izza and Binish which would start after dinner and go till the next days breakfast, until I dozed off midway through the conversation with topics ranging from Religion to Make up to Boys to Politics to Relationships, Dancing to Bollywood songs with Roopali, Annoying Solmaz with random laugther at 4 am, getting ready for all the parties in the tiny bathroom, Midnight birthday surprise parties, Pool with Cora every night, the 11 45 pm gang in the Cafeteria meeting up for Chai, Coffee, Noodles etc, Making fun of Rish's innocence, Annoying Aanchal for textbooks, advice, support everything...

In Second Year, it was again random talks, but with Natasha, raiding Cheryl's nice big and warm room, getting to know Sheniz better, Besharam and Club nights, SAA formals with the gals, dancing Kajra Re at the Diwali and Eid function, preparing for Fusion, Learning from Seniors like Aanchal and Rishika and helping to pass that on to Sonam and Afshah, attempted cooking with Pulao, Long talks with Shen and Roopali about identity and trying to discover myself more...

In Third Year, it was all the crazy movie nights in our room, my glorious Bollywood wall of fame, Diwali Pooja, dancing and Choreographing the Diwali and Eid function with the Bollywood through the ages theme, Gymming with Pooja, Talks with Mansi which would start at 3 am, Watching bollywood movies at Sheppard Yonge, Shopping together at Ardenes, Dinner at Spring Rolls, Pooja raiding our room with her blanket and pillow, dancing at random times with Amreen, watch Zainab be herself in walking bear foot to the cafeteria, spendings hours and hours talking about CBSE and Schooling in India/Dubai....

And not to forget things like Midnight Maggie Madness, Walks to Timmies at the ODDEST hours, Craving for Hagen Daaz Ice Cream at 3 am, Ordering Pizza at 3 30am, sitting on the steps outside and talking about the future ahead, Long talks during meals, Going nuts listening to the hindi songs in the Cafeteria, Gaining pleasure that everyone feels the food crappy, Study Room madness, Movies in the rainbow room, our secret friend DC++, Conversations in the Lobby, with the Porters...

Being a single child, I've always wondered how it would have been to have an older sister who would be my mentor, my inspiration, my support system.. and how it would be have been an older sister, to have a younger sister, to whom I could be the support, the mentor... at Loretto, I got both of that. It was my home away from home, where I got to meet, learn, appreciate and get inspired from some wonderful people.

I don't think I could have become the person I am today, if it weren't for the love showered on me by these people. I don't know if they know how much they mean to me and I hope that I was able to have some impact on their lives too.

Here is a toast to some of the best friends I've had at University....

Walk through the forest...

2007-10-12T15:47:00.000-07:00

The light breeze ruffles through the trees, leaves fall and all around me I see a diaspora of colors, yellow, red, pink, purple. Such a magnificent treat for the eye.

Today, taking a break from my routine job of staring at the computer screen, I decided to take a walk behind my work place where exists a miniature - natural forest. My colleagues often tell me that they have sighted deers and rabbits and the rumor goes that a big turtle lives in the lake.

The light breeze sweeps through the lake, causing small ripples to come but still glimmering in the dimming lights of the horizon.

I am a very winter person and I like the feel of the cold air hitting me so as I walked, I was enjoying the smell of the fresh trees and the freshness of the entire surrounding which is so hard to get in downtown.

Being a Friday evening, no one sticks around work after 5 pm, so I had to take the walk myself. Walking through any forest, at other times would scare me, considering the possibility of wilderness creeping by. But since this is a cleared forest and just a smaller version of the big thing, I was rest assured and proceeded on my walk.

The walkway was beautiful and it is a pleasure for the eyes to see so much of greenery and I enjoyed as the light breeze brushed through my hair now.

However,

as I walked further down, I heard noises.. growling noises.. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ..... It couldn't have been the breeze, it was too loud to be a car. I was scared.

I looked around me, but the trees stood still as if waiting for me to answer.

I had no idea where to go, because I had no idea where the sound was coming from. And suddenly, I look up to see a few planes shuttling around my workplace.

I was shocked to say the least!!

To me, it seemed scary that word is such an unsafe place now that leave police on road and coast guards, you have regular people patrolling the skies...

The realization is a very terrible one, mainly because...

If a walk through the natural forest brings with it fear of animals,

A Walk through the technological forests of today bring with it the fear of not being able to take a walk in the light breeze again...

Apologies !

2007-10-12T15:43:00.000-07:00

I declare, I am OFFICIALLY the worse blogger !!!

Sorry for not updating my blog often. But I am touched by those whose messaged asking me why I haven't updated my blog showing that some people do read this !!

I promise to update my blog more often starting today !!!

Cheerz..

11 Minutes: Bombay Bomb Blasts of 11-07-2006

2007-07-12T14:01:00.000-07:00

07-11-2006, The day still sends chills through my spine and brings tears into my eyes as I remember the horrific bombing incident that rocked the business capital of India - Mumbai. Till today, images of the stunned and blood stained passengers refuses to erase itself from my memory as I ponder upon the impact that bomb had on our lives, an impact so strong that its waves are still being felt.

I think the reason for the shock of the bombing still staying alive is because of where it happened. Like an arrow that pierces the heart, the explosion of the bombs took place in the 7 reserved First Class compartments of Bombay Rail's western line. Within 11 minutes, over 200 people losts their lives, 700 got injured and countless families destroyed.

11 minutes.

Just 11 minutes.

Thats the amount of time it takes me to walk from my apartment to the train station. 11 minutes.

At that ill fated moment, time almost stopped after those 11 minutes, as the city became one to combat one of its biggest and most tragic deaths in a long time. During those troubled times, strangers came to the help of the victims and their families. Police and Mumbai Rail Authority took prompt action in trying to get the city back on its wheels. Security was increased. Doctors, Nurses and Medical workers worked non stop providing medical assisstance to the constant flow of victims. Injured victims were being tended too, to prevent further causalities.

However, it is easier to mend wounds in the body, but how is it possible to mend wounds that affect our heart?

How is it possible to give solace to the 7-month pregnant woman, bearing her first child, who loses her husband, who promised to get her flowers on the way, in just 11 minutes?

How is it possible to give solace to the 17 year old boy who is forced to become a man in just 11 minutes, with the death of his father, the sole source of income to his family?

How is it possible to give solace to parents, who have lost their only daughter, who was about to get married in a month, because she left work a few minutes early to spend time with her family?

The tears still glimmer in the eyes of those who lost their near and dear ones as they think of how those 11 minutes changed their life. The blank look returns as they shudder thinking about that day remembering that it will be a very bad memory for the rest of their life ahead.

Today, 1 year and 1 day later, I ponder upon how the city has coped over the past year. How has it been able to sustain such a tragedy. Mumbai is not new to bomb attacks but this incident definitely brought back scary memories of the late 90s bomb blasts.

In my research of reading books, articles, talking to people who were there during the bombing on other trains, I realise that if possible, the city has grown stronger. Yes, the people at times pause to look behind them for any unidentified bags and there are more security precautions at the railway stations, but nothing has stopped.

Millions still take the train to full and travel to their offices, tuitions, schools, colleges. This is Mumbai's answer to the terrorist groups who were framed responsible for these attacks, you might be able to give us a shake but you can not break our spirit. The sheer unity and dedication of the citizens of Mumbai to keep moving ahead normally is a testimony to the fact that these citizens are strong and willing to show it to the people who doubt their strenghth.

11 minutes of disaster might have ruined lives for countless people in Mumbai, India and all over the world, but those 11 minutes also made this city of dreams a more powerful one, making me remember the lyrics of a song I used to hear as a child,

Aye dil hai mushkil jeena yahan
Zara hat ke zara bach ke, yeh hai Bombay meri jaan
[No doubt it is hard to live here, but others watch it, this is Bombay, my life]

No one deserves a tragedy....

2007-04-18T16:24:00.000-07:00

As I sit to write this blog, it is exactly 48 hours since the Virginia Tech University Tragedy . I look outside my residence window, I can see the sun rise. I can also see some students walking back to their dorm rooms after late night outs in the library. Its like any routine day of university for us.

I am sure that is exactly what every student who went to Virginia Tech felt that on the ill fated morning of Monday. What is usually the worst day of the week for most people turned out to be the worst day in US History as the worst case of shoot out ever. With 33 people dying in a matter of a few minutes, it is almost mind numbing to imagine what must be going on the minds of those who lived, to see their loved ones die.

My deepest condolences to the families and friends. I pray to the Lord to give them strength to face this grave moment.

I can't help but think, what wrong did those students do that they were punished like this? No one deserves a tragedy like this, for no fault of theirs.. its just sad...

It is even more saddening to find out the cause of the massacre, a psycho-neurotic freak who was so so so indulged in himself and in the world he built around himself that he never thought of living in the worlds that the others built. I wonder now, maybe if people had made an extra attempt to get to know that guy ? or take his silly messages a bit seriously ?

Is there where the world is heading too? Has it become such a dangerous place that we can't even sleep in our dorm rooms in peace? Are we supposed to suspect every one who doesn't talk to people? It is depressing to know that we as the next generation, have to stay in such a world and ensure that its atrocities don't come and affect our next generation..a tough task in hands. Where is the love today ? What happened to the days when people used to sit and talk and sort out problems ? Has that love disintegrated to cheap lust which gets fulfilled as you watch a porn movie ?! Where is the love ? The lines from the Black Eyed Peas song come to my mind:

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm getting older y'all people get colder
Most of us only care about money makin
Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema
Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, we're spreading anomosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down
It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under
I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found

People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(fade)

Amidst all this grief and sorrow caused by this incident, there is always a hero, and in this case, it has to be Prof. Liviu Librescu, a professor of Engineering and a member for the Faculty for 20 years. This Holocaust survivor who escaped from the Nazi Killings in Communist Romania became a hero as he protected his students from the mad gun man, by blocking the door and asking the students to jump out of the window which was in the 2nd floor. By doing so, he saved all the 54 students of his class, but in the end got shot saving the lives of so many.

That is the spirit of human beings, a spirit which no psychopath , no mad man, no gun man can kill.

To conclude, here is what the award winning Tennessee poet and Virginia Tech professor Nikki Giovanni had to say at the memorial ceremony at the University on Monday:

'We are Virginia Tech. We are sad today and we will be sad for quite awhile. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning. We are Virginia Tech.

'We are strong enough to know when to cry and sad enough to know we must laugh again. We are Virginia Tech.

'We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did not deserve it but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night to avoid being captured by a rogue army. Neither does the baby elephant watching his community be devastated for ivory; neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized.

'No one deserves a tragedy...'

Whats in a name?

2007-03-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

My sentiments after watching Mira Nair's adaptation of Jhumpa Lahiri's Pulitzer Winning Novel, The Namesake; Spell Bound... Speechless..Breathless.. Void..........

What can I say? Its been 24 hours since I came back from the theatre and even now as I stare outside my window looking at the mist covered buildings, Tabu's cries echo in my ears making me ponder about how much Namesake has affected me at a deep level.

The Story of an Immigrant Family from Kolkotta in the US and their journey of raising up kids in a perfect blend of Indo - American culture sounds cliched now. But the subtle handling of this topic by Jhumpa Lahiri in her novel and the even more emotional handling of this subject by Mira Nair is what makes this movie an inspiration.

Namesake is one movie which I believe that every one can associate with, and in different degrees it leaves a mark. For newly migrated families, seeing Tabu shiver in the Laundromat during winter would bring back memories of their first winters in US, for families living here for long, the Christmas parties and the get togethers' in the houses will bring back memories of those spring evenings, when all was left to be done was to meet up and sing old Raj Kapoor songs. And for youth like me, the whole Identity issue seems like taken from our life, especially when we all question,What is in a name? in particular, what is in OUR name ?

It was at that degree where the movie touched me the most. I have always had an identity issue, even when I was a 12 year old kid! I never really liked my last name (Mangu). I used to think it would be a point of ridicule for so many people. For the longest of time, I called myself Madhavi Rao in school because it would be easier to say, people couldn't make fun of it and it sounded *cooler*. In fact, I was so particular about not letting people know my last name that I was tempted to get it changed in my passport when it got renewed. I must have fought with my parents a 1000 times at least about why is my name like that ! For almost 7 years, I despised my name until a certain incident happened in my life.

They say that Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards. That is exactly what happened to me. In December 2005, my Grandfather passed away suddenly. When I was in India, in his room, all I could think off was at this sudden juncture of his death, what did he leave me? When I spoke with my dad about this, he said a legacy. At that point, I suddenly felt so attached to my last name. At that junction, I felt connected with him and it gave me a purpose, a mission to find my Identity.

That is what The Namesake is all about. Its about finding ones Identity, its about looking beyond the name and really looking into what the name symbolizes, what the name represents and how the name connects you and the people around you.

You cannot acquire experience by making experiments. You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.

Obviously, a very smart person said that. Watching Namesake is an experience that every one must undergo.

Spicing up the Identity Crisis

2007-02-27T09:48:00.001-08:00

All the world is a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and entrances;
Each man in his time plays many parts.

Shakespeare was a smart man and that couplet is one of the most intense couplets of his which I like. Indeed, we all have our exits and entrances and the time we are on stage is the one for us to show what we are capable off and that is what becomes our identity.

But then, what if the stage was shifted to different places, different times, how can we identify with that identity ?

I am by birth an Indian, grown up completely in the Middle East and have been living for the past three years in Canada. If any one were to ask me where my home is, I have to think for a bit before answering. Its because I really don't know where do I belong too.

On a spirtual context if I were to question who am I, I can say I am not this body but the spirit soul as what the holy book Bhagavad Gita says. But how to I say that to people questioning me in a daily context ?

This dilemma is faced by the 1000s of immigrant kids around the world. Most of us are the first in our families to attend universities outside our home lands and as the world becomes a smaller place, this is going to become a normal phenomena.

Being an Indian myself, I have often found it hard to blend my Indianess into my routine culture. Living in Middle East for so long really helped to set the base as the Indian community there though has been there for long, still holds an Indian Passport and is just 3 hours away from 'home'. There, I went to an Indian school, had Indian friends, saw Indian movies mainly and ate Indian food.

Coming to Canada was a big change. Though Canada has a huge South Asian Community, and in particular my university and my program is very popular among desi kids, I still could feel the distinct difference. Like here, listening to Hindi music or watching too many Hindi movies, is at times considered fobbish (FOB => Fresh off Boat) , to wear Indian clothes to class attracts stares and going for desi parties is just another way to attracting weird people to hit on you! And to get a good plate of Pav Bhaaji, the journey is a tasking one !

So then began the change, I started to listen to non desi music a lot more, read more about the culture here and try to merge into the society here.

However, I've always wondered, what is my identity ? Am I losing it as I battle my way through daily routine drudgery of life? Have I shed who I really was for what I am today or is who I am today my real identity?

It was between my identity crisis where I started seeking for ways to blend my usual North American lifestyle with my existing Indian lifestyle without it seeming out of place and yet standing unique. And that is when I looked out for inspiration.

Inspiration often comes in different forms and my inspiration came from an all boy a capella band called Penn Masala whom I saw in concert last weekend at University of Pittsburgh.

Penn Masala is a group of boys currently studying at University of Pennsylvania, US. They've been around the scene for the past 10 years. Every year the graduating seniors train the freshmen who want to join the band and this cycle of training the new members continues till this day on.

Penn Masala are the world's first Hindi a capella group, which means they sing without music, no instruments are used and they produce sounds with their voices. Check out their website to find out more and listen to them.

So, I heard about them first in the movie, American Desi where they sang two tracks and it was very impressive. But it was truly me seeing them in Sa Re Ga Ma Pa and later hearing their track Aankhon Mein Tu Hai got me hooked onto them.

Watching Penn Masala perform was a unique experience in every sense of the term. Musically, it was an absolute high as they crooned out some of the most beautiful Hindi and English songs with equal ease. What impressed me most about their singing was their level of competence in it. Trying to sing songs like Dheere Jalna and Mitwa is not a joke and many have failed in their attempts but these guys were just super. Also considering that their only shruti is coming from the harmony created by other singers, its just mind boggling to think of the focus and concentration the members must have. One person going even a micro second off key can make the song sound miserable. Fortunately not one of them went off key and it was just like river flowing smoothly.

From an academic Engineering perspective, I was intrigued to see the variety of voice variations one person could do. It was very evident in the beat boxing jamming they did. Beat boxing is kinda like producing sounds made by drums or other bass instruments using your voices. Its fascinating to observe the beautiful engineering design of our Vocal chords which let us do such funky stuff with our voices. Be it the sound of rain drops or the hard core bhangra beats, its pretty crazy stuff !!

But from the inspiration point of view, I took back a lot that night. The Penn Masala members are the best example I can think of people who probably have really found their identity. Fusing east with the west was done so effortlessly through out the show. From the sweaters to the kurtas to the jeans, Penn Masala boys showed that they are there to impress every one alike, desis, non - desis, young university students with catchy tunes and the older crowd with the golden hits. I don't think any one left the David Lawrence Hall on Saturday night disappointed! It showed in their style, it showed in their singing style and it showed in the total entertainment they provided - they are here to make a statement, that if we have a vision, a dream, we can find out our identity.

Juggling some serious professional academic programs like Engineering and Finance along with doing concerts all around the US almost every weekend, the Penn Masala boys have it busy. But they should be proud of themselves because they are are pursuing their hobby and also in that process entertaining 100s and 1000s of fans not just in US but all around the world.

At the end of the concert, I began to wonder, why do people have an identity issue? The Penn Masala boys make it seem so easy to be able to identify yourself. It doesn't matter where you are from, who you are, at the end of the day, it really comes down to what you do. And whatever you do, you do so that you make people around you proud.

PM is predominantly based in the US, but their popularity is evident even in Middle East and India showing that these people really pushed their boundaries and took South Asian Music to various frontiers. To me that is effortlessly fusing the East with the West and your identity lies in you and in your ability to creatively do that.

To conclude, with a line from Penn Masala's own song, Pehchaan which literally means Identity: Kya Pata ki Kaun Hoon Main, Shayad mujhme Aag Kaahi, Jagao Usse, meaning 'I wonder who I am but I think there is a fire in me. I must ignite that fire'...

Wonderful message for us all,
to ignite the fire of who we really are...
to ignite the fire to find our identity
to ignite our fire to play our part on the stage to the fullest...

[i] Paavda's [/i] in Queen's Park ..

2006-10-06T14:34:00.000-07:00

Its odd, very odd that whenever I decide to blog, its because I see something that stirs up these uncontrollable emotions in me and most often, they are just pangs of separation from home, which simply put, can be termed as homesickness.

Today, as I was walking back from class, at the Hart House Circle, I saw this Indian family. Thats usually not a new sight considering the number of Indians and members from the South Asian Committee study in Toronto. As I walked past them, I saw a young girl of about 8 wearing a Paavda (An Indian skirt worn in Southern India with elegant colours and elaborate work in the borders).. something very similar to what I used to wear for special occasions when I was that age ! Seeing that young girl wear something which to me was my link with the past, a connection had be formed instantly so I slowed down my pace hoping to go and talk to them as they seemed lost and needed a bit help with directions. As I approached them, I think it was her father who called her out in my mother tongue, Telugu, and to me that was just icing on the cake!

The funniest part is, I've never really lived in India, and never had any fascination or attraction for my mother tongue. Infact, I've tried to make sincere attempts to try to unlearn my mother tongue on the pretext of being 'cool'... I remember that when I was in school, me and my telugu friends would never speak in Telugu to each other !! It was not just with us, it was with people of most regions, who were scared of their identity, who basically wanted to fit in.

Today things have changed. Maybe its maturity, maybe its just growth or maybe its just being away from your country for so long that I dont wan't to be one of the many. I want to be unique. I don't want to just fit in like any piece of the puzzle, I wan't to be that piece of puzzle that makes the difference between finishing off the puzzle...

Its odd how things change.. I used to mock my mother when she had come to Toronto because whenever she used to see a Telugu person, her face would light up like a bulb. Today, thats exactly how I feel. I yearn for a familiar voice, I yearn for something I can relate too...

I yearn for bajjis in the rain...
I yearn for sounds of music I'd know...

I yearn for.....

.....home....

Physically Challenged vs Spiritually Challenged

2006-06-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

Today is Ekadasi, the 11th day of the Hindu panchang (Lunar 15 day calendar), a holy day for a lot of Hindus, and a day of fasting for some of us. Ekadasi, being a holy day also emphasizes the devotion one must have for the Lord, the Lord who is the ultimate bestower and who is the supreme being in this world.

On this auspicious day, me and Dad went to the temple. As I was sitting in the temple room and
praying to the Lord, asking for forgiveness for all the sins I might have committed and begging
for his mercy, I noticed a huge crowd of ladies enter the temple. I made me feel happy to see
such a large group of people in the temple because in the weather we are experiencing here
right now, its almost impossible to go outside and walk.

As I continued my prayers, it was time for arati. The same group of people pushed and kept shoving people out of the way in their love and devotion to see the lord. Being a passive person in the temple atleast, I moved back to let them pass. I was trying to tell myself that its justified to be selfish in devotion. But this pushing and shoving continued till the arati got over with a lot of other ladies joining in.

Amidst all this crowd, there was a young girl of about 10. She was severly handicapped. She
wasn't able to walk, nor talk and the only thing she did was crawl on the floor. Talking support of her weak hands and feet she thrusted herself on the floor and tried to make way to the front to see the Lord. Her mother was behind her, not helping her but just seeing her child move.

As this young girl was trying to move ahead, a large group of ladies who finished their time with the Lord, just turned back, started talking about every other possible thing on the world without even noticing the young girl and one of them trampled on that poor kid. When she
realised her mistake, she just walked away without even a small sorry but instead a sorry
smile at the kid which clearly said 'Oh Lord, how sad for the poor thing..'

Seeing this just upset me. As I guided the mother to the side so that she could get a bit
of relief from the crowd, my thoughts went onto one question, who was handicapped in this scenario?

The girl, whose feet and hands were as weak as sticks of a falling tree and who was sliding
herself on the floor like a dewdrop on a leaf and whose effort of trying to take one small step was a huge success itself?

or...

The mother, who refused to help her child in this misery and just stood there praying to the
lord?

or...

The ladies, who, though were great devotees, forgot to notice the child infront of them, who
forgot that they are in the place of God, the same Lord, who came to the aid of so many people in misery, who preached kindness, humanity and most of all empathy for all living beings. Aren't they handicapped as they forgot that God isn't there just in the temple, but also in that small being? Is it a look of being sorry that the child wants, or looks that encourage her to go forward?

Who is handicapped ?

As we were driving back home and I was sharing my thoughts with my father, another thought
struck me..Who was the real devotee?

The ladies who were the first to arrive there, first ones when the arati was going on and always at the helm of all the spiritual activities at the temple?

or...

The child, that in face of such handicap still wanted to strive to see the Lord. Her eyes showed more enthusiasm than most of us normal people there, and her struggled crawls showed immense and pure devotion towards the Lord.. that devotion so pure that it is untouched by
the dash of the material happenings...

or...

The mother, who inspite of seeing the pain her child was enduring, forced her child to achieve
her own success. She treated her child as if she was like any of the other people standing
there on two feet.Inspite of shedding tears in her heart, she was there with a smile encouraging her daughter to edge on, find her own path, make her own success. Most of all, amidst all the pain in her life, she hadn't lost faith in that Lord. Her eyes showed the faith in her child and the Lord, a faith which showcased her determination and her devotion...

Who is the handicap?

Who is the devotee?

Mera Bharat Mahaan

2006-05-26T12:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the late post.. I wrote it when I was in the airport, but due to slow internet, haven't posted it yet.. so here goes:

============================================================

I am currently sitting in Charles De Gaulle, Paris airport as I blog this. With a few hours to spare before my flight for Dubai leaves,I was just watching the news they were showing. It was in french so I had no idea what was going on but they were reporting something about L.N.Mittal of Mittal Industries fame who went abroad at a very young age and created a HUGE empire and is one of the most reputed Indians in the International Diaspora. I had no idea what the report was about but just the fact that Mittal was on the screen, it got my attention. What is it that even after leaving India for over 15 years now, the mention of an Indian name on an international medium makes me smile and glow with pride inside that Yes, finally we are being taken notice off.

As my mind sets to discover why, I see a group of travellers boarding the Air France flight to B'lore. Again, seeing them, I have a smile of knowing who they are; which is really odd considering that I have no idea who they are, what their background is, what is their purpose of going to B'lore, but what binds us brown faces is the simple fact that we are Indian by heart. It might not always be just the passport or just a POI card or an Indian Visa, its the 'Indianess' at heart, a feeling that how much one chooses to ignore, they really can't.

Yesterday, my taxi driver was an Indian who has been living in Canada for the past 15 years. Some topic about India came up and his eyes just glew and almost moistened. He was telling me that he never went back home, but he has never really felt the need for him to because his home is in his heart. His exact words were 'Jab mera watan mere dil main hain, kahin aur jaane ki zaroorat kyun hogi?'. He told me about every time he recieves something from India, the feel of that itself is so different.

All these random thoughts bring me to a question I've always wondered.. Is it just that us who live far away from India, who aren't in that culture feel the most love towards the country ?

Is that simply because grass is on the other side ?

Are we craving for our country or are we craving for a new life ?

All about Al Rawabi's and Disco Chai....

2006-04-13T02:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday as I was walking to class, I was passing by Gerstien Library and I happened to see some one drinking juice from Al Rawabi !!! I was really surprised and being myself, I had to go and ask that person how come he was drinking Al Rawabi orange juice! He said that he got it at a store near his house which gets some products from the Middle East..

To fill those who have no clue what I am talking about, Al Rawabi is a famous beverage company dealing with dairy products and fruit juices. Why is it so important to me? It was a part of my childhood..it was a part of growing up for me and in a weird way, its a memoir of my life in Dubai and in my school...

Maybe thats the reason I was very upset during my last visit to school when I found out that they got rid of the Rawabi vending machine! I mean to all it might seem like JUST a machine, but to me and a lot of people it was a part of our schooling.. those fruit cocktails just before Chemisty extra class with Suma ma'am, Orange Carrot before going for dispersal duty, mango juice because its just mango juice.. apple juice as we wait for Esther Praveen to drone more about Integrals.. lemonade after PE with Indu.. I mean a juice for an occasion...

And then, it was a hot spot.. right in the middle of the canteen, it was a place to talk to people from other classes..catch up with old friends and make new ones..

My fondest memories of Al Rawabi and the Canteen as such were probably during the dispersal time, remembering Prashant and Jomy doing their level best to get some order there but failing miserably! And ofcourse the number of love stories that began there, too many to count and more to tell!!

Its funny how sometimes simple simple things like juice can make u so nostalgic.. I got back to res thinking about how great my school life was. People often tell me that university life is the best you will get and you know that from day 1. I wouldn't say that my university lfie is depressing, its as good as it gets, but to me what I did in school, I dont think I can replicate that fun at university.

It might sound odd saying that I had fun studying almost 14 hours a day.. with school, tuitions, personal study an ofcourse the whole extra curricular work load.. I dunno how we squeezed in fun, but we did.. always... I've seen more movies during my grade 12 with my friends then I have seen after coming here to Canada! It was a weird sort of fun and enjoyment and bonding in a different way, how else can studying for a physics final or sitting and working in a chemistry project be 'fun'? But it was..

Its not just friends, it was the teachers, Be in Jessie's cool words or Esther's cold stares or Suma ma'ams smiling face or Rajgopals' forgetful looks..they all added up to something so memorable and magical... Its hard to believe that its already over 2 years since I passed out.. it seems only like yesterday we had the farewell..and the boards..and then the glorious summer after...

Today, all of us from '04 batch are sitting in different parts of the world from Vancourver to Australia.. but one thing bonds us all... we will share fond bitter sweet memories about school.. knowingly unknowingly OOEHS had bonded us all together in a way that its hard to break that bond and even though you wanna keep telling yourself that it doesnt exist, the fact is, it does..

Here is an ode to all the wonderful memories and to all the great times I've had..rather all of us Our Own freaks had at OOEHS DXB !

The Wind - Poem 2

2006-04-11T11:41:00.000-07:00

An older poem which I wrote last year... Comments awaited..

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The Wind

I started this journey on the sands of time,
barefoot...
alone...

Knowing yet ignorant of the obstacles going to be in my way...

As the journey went on the stones pierced through my skin deep and the salt cold water stung...

It was at that time I saw a shell,
a shell as pure as white, that produced a sound a sound so beautiful...
that the heavens swayed to its sound while the hell envied those who were listening to it...

As I blew the shell, a divine voice sang...

'I see you are in pain and yet alone... I will gift u a wind...

A wind when blown from behind pushes you forward to achieve success in your life...

A wind when blown from front pushes you back reminding you that you have never reached the zenith of success...
because there is no such thing as that..
for to succeed is in each step you take and for each breath you take.. for yourself and others around you...

A wind when blown from the side supports you through the journey taking with it all your pain and suffering...

Most of all, this wind is your special wind, bringing a smile to your face as it blows right through the eternity of time'

As the voice dimmed, I could see the wind...

Lo behold, it wasn't a wind, it was you my friend...

You, who were going to be the wind in my life pushing me ahead, daring me to dream and making me believe in them...

You, who were going to smile in every smile and yet hold the hand to protect my tears...

You, who were going to support me if I was right, and punish me if I was wrong..

You, who were going to be there at every walk of mine, at the beginning of every journey I began, and at the end at every walk I finished.

I started this journey on the sands of time...
barefoot...
alone...

but today I have you, my wind, and this journey doesnt seem so alone anymore...

Memories...

2006-03-11T23:48:00.000-08:00

Second semester of second year is almost getting over and with that I am half done with my engineering studies.. and I am getting nostalgic thinking off all the fun I have had this semester and more so this year... the parties, the labs, the project, the exams, the birthdays everything.. 2nd yr was very interesting..with so many ups and downs..hopefully I made through it fine...

The more I think of the second semester, I ask my self one question.. What did I learn in these 8 months?

Its something to think about.. amidst all those hours and hours sent in the design centre for ECE 298, 241 and 243 projects.. the innumrable hours spent in bahen and GB labs with the server project.. early mornings in gb 341 labs with electronics and circuit labs.. and not to mention the hours spent (wasted ?) in class rooms.. what did I learn?

Those late nights in Kelly, those gruelling sessions in the old and new bahen study room, countless all nighters.. those depressing evenings in SF library tryin to fathom everything from Thevenin Laws to vector spaces, FSMs to Cache management, Fourier Transforms to BJTs.. and suddenly, everything seems so much harder, so much more messed up..what is the point of this agony?

Those marks which just keep etting from bad to worse, TAs who are hard to understand, Profs who prefer to just talk to the board than to students, and classmates/groupmates who expect you to work more than ur potential.. what does this add up to?

In the end of this year, I ponder more on my decision to come here and do engineering! I guess a part of me felt that it wouldnt be so hard as what it was made to sound..but I guess I was wrong.. everything here was harder, academics, social life, spirtual life and life in general.. so why am I here?

Everytime this thought comes to me, I just look around and I see people, I see my friends going through the same pain, and as misery loves company, it breeds...slowly the misery doesn't seem like one.. working lte nights rather earlyday time to finsih the server.. trying to cram up calculus a few hrs before the finals.. and most of all..being there to give that hug when tears just cant stop from flowing.. thats where friends matter..

What did I learn in second year? I learnt what friendship is all about.. I learnt what it takes to be there for sum1 when they need them the most.. Just because they dont tell you that they care for u..or because they dont treat u the way they might treat sum1 else..doesnt mean that they dont care for u.. I learnt that from my friends..the true meaning of friendship..

Thanks u guys.. each one of you has made this year for me extrememly memorable.. made me realise how lucky I am to be in engineering.. Love u all !!!!

Reality Bites

2006-02-10T15:46:00.000-08:00

I am just listening to Roobaroo song from Rang De Basanti (Yes, as you can see, the frenzy hasn't died yet!).. Amazing song. The music for this movie was given by the Maestro A.R.Rahman, I will dedicate another blog to praising this young genius, but for now, its about some one else..

The song was sung by a certain Naresh Iyer, whom not many people had heard off till this song. He sang this song so well, along with Paathshaala and Tu bin bataaye... So who is Naresh Iyer?

When I read that these songs were sung by him, my thoughts went directly to this reality show on [V] India TV channel, Super Singer. Judged by Adnan Sami and later followed by some biggies of the industry like Himesh Reshmiyya, A R Rahman, Sandeep Chowta(Not too sure he came) etc, this was a talent hunt trying to find the perfect voice for singing. Naresh Iyer had made it to the final 40. In the elimination for the final 25, A R Rahman was the judge along with Adnan Sami. Naresh Iyer sang a tamil classical song hoping to make the impression on Rahman. Rahman calmly told him, that I have a good and a bad news for you. The bad news is that you are out of the competition, and the good news is that, I like your voice and I want to give you a chance! Naresh was so stunned, he came out laughing and the hosts were surprised.

Forward 2 years later, Naresh has sung in couple of Tamil and Telugu movies and made his bollywood debut with RDB and boy, what a debut!

He is just one of the few singers from reality shows that have made a mark for themselves in the Movie world. The best example is Shreya Goshal and Kunal Ganjawala, who are among the best singers in Bollywood today, and they both made their singing debut on the silver screen in a show Sa Re Ga Ma (SRGM), hosted by Sonu Nigam about 10 years ago. Today, Shreya and Kunal are known to most as successful singers but to ardent SRGM fans they are still ex contestants!

Take a look at television today, so many singing reality shows - Indian Idol1, Fame Gurukul and Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge 2005 concluded and Indian Idol2 is at the pincale of its conclusion and then the search starts again for singers... So much of talent has come out of this show that it is absolutely staggerring! But what scares me is that there is just too much of talent, are we ready to accept so much of it?

With Sonu Nigam, Shaan, KK, Kunal and other great singers already fighting for the throne, and composers like Himesh Reshmiyya (Aashiq Banaya Aapne) fame suddenly coming from no where, imagine having some more exceptional talent added to this. Is the industry ready for new talent? How good is this new talent?

The catch with reality shows is public voting. In a country where a lot of people wouldn't bother to go vote for a better government, dont mind spendin lakhs of Rs for sending votes to save their favourite singers. The one with the least votes is eliminated. Its in all the shows, supposed to increase TRP. But its absolutely depressing and heart breakin to see good talent get washed away in this frenzy of Public Voting..

I think in this circle, the winner is the TV channel and telephone companies. Take for example in the recently concluded SRGMP Challenge 2005 finals, The winner Debojeet Saha recieved an unbelievable 3 crore votes from east of india alone! That amounts to atleast a 15 crore rupees!!! Where is so much of money coming from!!!! Its hard to fathom

And then the whole issue of regionalism, each part roots for singers from their area. Whole Mumbai comes together to support its Amey Date, contestant in Indian Idol 2. The whole of north gathered 1.5 votes for Vinit Singh, runner up of SRGMP Challenge 2005. It was this regionalism between states that the british exploited and today TV Channels doing the same mistake again...

Finally, its about making the right decision and often that doesn't happen. Talented singers get voted out for so many reasons, they dont look good, they dont perform enough, they dont have an 'interesting' story about them so people dont get motivation to vote for them, they are hyped too much etc etc. And sometimes, they just get unlucky. These reality shows had produced some great singers who didn't win, Indian Idol 1 had Rahul Vaidya, Prajakta Shukhre, Rahul Saxena.. Fame Gurukul had Rex D'souza, Arpita Mukherjee, Arijit Singh, Shamit Tyaagi and Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge had Hemachandra, Nihira Joshi, Himani Kapoor to name a few.. These singers never went to win but hopefully they will become very successful in their future.

An interesting thing is and probably the saddest part is, most of the good singers are all in grade 12 or university. Dropping their studies, they come to pursue their dreams, how right is it to play with their future? Are they justifyed in pursuing a dream that might just remain a dream for most? What example are they setting for other children?

This is where Reality Bites...

Seasons - Poem 1

2006-02-10T15:38:00.000-08:00

I thought of posting a poem every month, either written by me or by any of my friends.

The first in the series, is the latest one I wrote , 'Seasons'. Got the idea from Gaurav who had suggested me to write something about the weather changes we had in toronto in one short week last month. Enjoy !

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Seasons

The bright, scortching glare of the lonely sun flashes into my eye,
forcing me to close it as the blinding light seems to seep through all pores..

Why must there be such agony in the light of the sun,
which provides food to many and joy to many more...
Why is there so much of pain in the light of the sun,
which used to bring the smile to my face...
Why does its loneliness spread through me like fire
burning away the good thoughts.....

The rustle of breeze pushes strands of my hair in the front,
relieving me from my misery of the heat..
As the grey clouds slowly drift to cover the sun...

The raindrops fall like tears onto the landscape,
washing everything with it,including my grief..
The flowers blossomed,
the trees smiled,
the lakes laughed and the birds sang...to welcome the coming of spring...

Are these raindrops crying along with me in misery
or are they shedding tears or sympathy?
Why is the wind acting like the support by
providing me comfort in the light of pain?
Why are the raindrops telling me that
I should shed my inhibitions and move ahead?
Why is the sun hiding behind the clouds,
the same sun who threatened to agonize my life?

The gentle wind slowly changes colour,
The blue becomes gray,
The green becomes white...
as water becomes ice...piercing through the skin as knives,
stabbing in all directions, causing suffering and grief..

Are these the punishment from the above for not making use of the wind?
Are these the warning from above for not realising the beauty of the rain?
Are these the message from above
telling me to realise the frangrance of the flowers
before they wilt?

Is this what it is all about?

Or is it the snow, the white snow,
whose beauty is hard to comprehend..
for its so pure that this evil eye full of envy fails to see,

Is the snow trying to teach me to look from a different eye
to appreciate the colour in white?
Is the snow trying to teach me to remember
that there is always a tommorow?
Is the snow telling me to wait and hope for something better...

The sun rises again, but this time not to burn good thoughts..
but to be the warmth of the fire,to wake us up from our sleep..
The sun rises again, but this time not to blind us,
but to blind our incapabilitiesto blind our fears
and to bring light into our darkened lives...

The sun rises again,
but this time not alone..
but with the rainbow,the rainbow...
of a new day..
of a new tommorow...
of a new journey...
of a new beginning...
===================================================================

Give me Yellow!!

2006-01-30T18:29:00.000-08:00

I went to see Rang De Basanti on 28/1, and I came out as a different person! A perfect combination of DCH and Swades, it was undoubtedly the best movie I had seen after Parineeta. A must watch for every indian, this movie brings out the patriotic feelings in one which have been crushed under the pressure of the modern society.

Is RDB a different film ? Yes !
Is RDB a preachy film ? No !

Is it paisa vasool ?! Most definitely

I am not going to waste blog space by writing the review of the movie; you can go to sites like www.indiafm.com or www.rediff.com and read the 'expert' views about this film. I am just a lay person, just another youth of india talking about this movie.

Studying in Canada and having studied for most of my life outside Indian, often I had to hear subtle comments from my relatives back home saying about how much wrong I have done by not going back to India to study. The feel that I have also joined the band that promote brain drain. For many years, I heard this from one ear and took it out of the other... Until 28th Jan 2006 - Until i saw RDB.

After coming back from the movie, for 10 minutes, I couldn't speak... I was speechless, this movie had opened my eyes to something that I guess I was scared to see. The movie touched those emotions of mine which weren't felt for a long time.

For the first time in many years, I felt like what it is to be Indian - a true Indian. Its not whether you live in India or if you still hold an Indian passport or not, its about feeling the Indian feeling in your blood and the pride gushing as you hear the national anthem. Thats the pride of a true Indian.

If the movie could be summed up in one line, it would be this quote I read online (and also said in the movie):

There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them .

I think it lies in our hands, totally in our hands and the choices we make. Often we Indians comment about the sad state of affairs in India especially how corrupt the politicians are and how none of them are making a sincere attempt to improve the conditions in India, but does any body do anything ?

How many teenagers want to become IAS or Police Officers? People are picking the easy way out and sadly, I feel like I am one of them.

I don't think your feelings of patriotism is about where you are living now, but where you will live in the future and how wil that affect your country matter more. Thats what the movie strives to tell, about how today's youth have forgotten their way and its about their awakening from a long sleep of complacency.

After watching this movie, I felt like I had let down my country just like the millions of confused indian youth in and outside india, and felt that it is my responsibility to do something for my motherland..

But will my voice be hear ??

Thats a question for which I seek the answer.....

The Year gone by...

2006-01-01T09:50:00.000-08:00

In a very introspective mood, I look back at the year 2005, a year of definite highs and lows both globally and in my personal life, it has definitely been one more enlightening year. So, as a beginning to my ranting, thought I would go by the past year and see what happened..

January: Not a bad start to the new year, as I went back to toronto and the basic fact that i passed CIV 101 - structures and material design... man undoubtedly this comes a close 3rd on the list of worst courses i've taken so far (there have been only 15!) here in 3 semesters at U of T... BAD BAD BAD and i think its the prof that made it 10 times worse! Passing thing was the best thing to happen this month... and ummm maybe the pool on republic day at New College, that was fun too!

February: Midterm season for second semester started with some ok-ok midterms and some lousy ones, however it was a good month. First with the Havana Lounge party, probably first time we all went out clubbing, who cares it was a lousy club and who cares if we were stuck downstairs doing nothing, but it was a fun night... esp at chestnut with saurabh and his wonderful 'comments' about all of us and the whole vikram sharma's expression and I think my first all nighter at uni!!! then the reading week, it flew so fast that it was before it started, best part of the week being me colouring my hair (ya..thts how sad it got!) but the best part of the whole month had to be going to windsor to see Sandeep and Lyz and meeting Prashant there who had taken all the trouble to come from UMich just to meet us...It was fun at windsor, us 4 and Meher. We gals sure had fun kicking the guy's ass at poker!!

March: Started B A D, what with prashant leaving and me getting results of MIE100 Dynamics midterm and my first and second APS103 (i forgot the name of the course now!) back.. it was worse than bad, it was a disaster !! Dynamics or Mechanics was such a bad course that I am glad its over, it comes 2nd in the worst courses... it is also reputed at u of t for being one of the most flunked course, boy I know why... That course made me hate newton with a burning passion! and as for APS103, it was such a bad course that it tops the list...I still dont get the point of that course.. it begins by saying that engineering is useless and then concludes saying that world is useless without engineers!!! We were lucky that we got Karimi inplace of Vanderburg, who had a great reputation for flunking half his class... and the best part fo this course were classes in con hall, atleast we can sleep in peace!! Month ended on a great note

April: Exams and more exams... have nothing more to say about this month!! Oh, the highlight was the ping pong ball tournament between Raihan and Poornima vs Gaurav and Me.. Killer game!!

May: Hmm... so many things in this one month..went to US.. West Virginia.. beautiful place.. felt like I was on heaven... trip to the US was uneventful.. and then with in 24 hrs, made a 24 hr journey back to Dubai!! It was great to be back home after 4 months especially after meeting every1 at sandeep's place and then at BITs.. I still remember sandeep's pulao !! May was a good month...

June - August: Had to group them together, coz they were holidays and pretty boring as they were long... not to mention that I was ridiculously busy with Work at City Times first and then at Oceanic, and ofcourse my driving debacle...but then...there were moments of fun... Anju's b'day... sleep over at Nandi's place... and ofcourse the 'party of the year' at Anju's house before every1 left was awesome...the summer break was a great way to get back into the 2nd year groove... Love u guys for making the summer break SO special!

Sept: Back to toronto, for Second year... more on that in future blogs !!!

Oopss!

2006-01-01T09:48:00.000-08:00

My post date showed as June 2005, but the post has been posted on Jan 1, 2006.

Finally... the day dawns

2005-06-01T22:44:00.000-07:00

After writing the first draft for this post almost 6 months back, I was finally inspired by a lot of NITK friends to get to work with the first post atleast, which I hope will be the beginning of my blogging days, getting down to write some meaningful posts and also improve my writing skills.

But primarily to rant about various things that I wish I could say but due to so many reasons cant!

So, beginning this year, 2006, starts my BLOG!!!